Funny Naruto fan fic
by fakeaway6200
Summary: It happens when sasuke goes to defeat itachi but something goes wrong and one thing leads to another. features appearances by other shows and stuff.
1. Episode 1

Promo before episode...

Pein and Itachi are sitting in studios chairs with their names in it.

Pein: Hi, if you don't know me, I'm Pein.

Itachi: And I'm Itachi. If you don't know us, this show will be telling you about us in retard, ridiculous, stupid ways.

Pein: With Humor involved!

Itachi: Normally you people don't see us do this stuff, so it might ruin your thought about this show.

Pein: It could cause injuries! Beware!

Itachi: Now lets start our first episode while I beat Pein in scrabble.

Sasuke arrives in the room with Itachi sitting in the chair. Itachi has a deviuos look on his face while Sasuke looks angry.

Sasuke: ITACHI! I will seriously leave you in the dirt!

Itachi: Really? Can you imagine it still? I hope you've got the m. sharingan that I've informed you about.

Sasuke: I'm guessing you've gotten a new way to say the other sharingan, eh?

Itachi: No, I just got done listening to lil' wayne.

Sasuke: Really? I never had enough money to get his new album, so I was hoping you could buy it for me?

Itachi: Nope. Sorry little dude. Pein hardly pays me enough, but I get by.

Sasuke: How long have you've been saving up?

Itachi looks around the room thinking.

Itachi: Oh, three months.

Sasuke snickers a little.

Itachi: Whats so funny?

Sasuke: No wonder why I didn't join the akatsuki. Pein SUCKS!!!!

Itachi: You couldn't join the akatsuki in the first place since I'm here!

Sasuke: I never wanted to join! Itachi, you got us off subject FOR NO REASON!!!

Itachi: I don't care,foolish little brother! Anyway, did you come with my cheetos?

Sasuke smacks his head and digs into his pocket.

Sasuke: Heres your friggin' chips.

Itachi: I asked for CHEETOS, not FRITO LAYS! I'm allergic!

Sasuke: I don't give a flute! Plus, father contacted me from the dead. He wanted to give you a message.

Itachi's eyebrows rise up. Sasuke pulls out a holgraphic message projector. Then, it opens up. There was standing Itachi's and Sasuke's father.

father: Itachi. Goodness you've grown. I just wanted to say... I SAVED MORE THAN A HUNDRED BUCKS BY SWITCHING TO GEIKO!!!!! I just wanted to give you the heads up!

After that, the projector blew up. Itachi slapped his head.

Itachi: DARN! I've should have switched to geiko. My shevy is all tore up from the floor up.

Sasuke: Since when do you have a shevy?

Itachi: Who cares? Wheres my cheetos?

Sasuke digs into his pocket again. he throws him a bag of chips.

Itachi: These are PORK GRIMES!!! I asked for DORITOS!

Sasuke: Who cares of what you think! Your supposed to be pulling my eyes out!

Suddenly, a big chop sound comes from out of no where.

Director: Okay, Sasuke. I like the anger of your voice, but you said the line wrong.

Sasuke: I said what?

Director: The line is "Your supposed to be killing me with the lil' wayne power right now!"

Sasuke: Okay. Let's start again.

The director leaves the scene.

Director: ACTION!

Sasuke: Your supposed to be killing me with the lil' wayne power right now!

Itachi: Foolish little brother... I almost feel sorry for you.

Sasuke: For what?! Not getting the named brand chips you wanted?!

Itachi shakes his head.

Sasuke: ANSWER ME!!!!!

Itachi: This reminds me of the time back at the Konaha village. We were watching t.v. together, and our dad had an Arnold Shwartzenneger accent.

Sasuke: Yep. We were watching shrek.

flash back

Itachi and Sasuke sits on a couch watching shrek.

Shrek: ROAR!!! I'M AN OGRE!!!!

Sasuke: Big brother, he reminds me of dad.

Itachi: Well, its too bad our dad was a major shrek fan. He even has Mike Myers autographed copy of shrek.

Sasuke: (with Itachi voice) We- HEY! I have your voice!

Itachi: IMPOSSIBLE!

Sasuke: It doesn't seem impossible since I'm using it.

Itachi: (with Sasuke voice) Then I- WHAT?!

Sasuke laughs almost knocking himself on his chow time food. NOTE: Chow time is a real dining resturant. Sasuke just had take-out.

Itachi: This sucks! I have to have a gay voice for a speaking voice!

Sasuke: Now I can show all the girls my true side!

Itachi: (with his own voice) We- YES!!!! My old voice is back!!!

Sasuke: Too bad. I still have your voice!

Itachi growls at Sasuke.

Itachi: THEN I'LL JUST SNATCH YOUR VOICE BOX!!!!

The two brothers' dad can hear them from upstairs.

Fugaku: Hey,boys! Cut all that racket out!

Itachi and Sasuke: Yes sir!

Fugaku: I said CUT IT OUT!!!

The two boys didn't respond then.

Itachi: Goodness, he yells like an old man.

Sasuke: (with his old voice) D- NOOOO!!!! I hated my old voice!

Itachi: Too bad. People have to live with it.

Sasuke: Shhhhhh!!!! This is the best part in shrek!

The two boys turn toward the t.v. screen.

Shrek: Better out than in I always say.

Itachi squints his eyes at Sasuke. Sasuke just sits there smiling.

Itachi: Thats your favorite part?

Sasuke nodded his head.

Itachi: PITIFUL!

Fugaku: BOYS, DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!!!

Sasuke: SE- I mean, See! Your big nasty voice made dad mad!

Itachi: I made him mad?! It was us!

Sasuke: Now your just re-informing me about the froot loops thing!

flashback

Sasuke sits at the kitchen table munching away on his froot loops. Itachi walks in.

Itachi: Remember brother, we're in this together!

Sasuke puts a thumbs up with a mouth full of froot loops. A tear of milk goes down his mouth.

back to previous flashback

Itachi: I'm not informing you about that froot loops thing! I'm just saying, we did it together!

Sasuke: There you go again!

Itachi: STOP IT!!!

Sasuke laughs crazily. Itachi covers his ears up and shuts his eyes.

Sasuke: It looks like I got you in the corner, now.

Itachi: Not Exactly.

Sasuke: Wha?

Itachi: I did that only so you could attack me, thus making me release from that state I was in, thus making me pull out your EYES!!

Sasuke shakes his head.

Sasuke: I don't get it?

Itachi: after all these years, you still haven't gotten smarter?!

Sasuke: No, I just don't see your point.

Itachi: THATS THE KEY OF GETTING SMARTER!!!

Sasuke: Oh, yeah! Now I get it!

Itachi: No you don't.

Sasuke: Yeah, your right.

Itachi: This reminds me of a time I was watching Diary of a mad black women. I was watching that dude that shot that lady's ex, so he was put into a wheel chair.

Sasuke: You wat-

Itachi: SHUT UP!!!! I wasn't done yet! Anyway, The dude that was shot was in an ally talking to the dude that shot him, so they were talking about how to plead the case about the guy that was going to shoot the dude.

Sasuke: Thats it?

Itachi: Not really. I heard he's loose somewhere in the world, but who knows?

Sasuke: What if he's over in the fire country?

Itachi: Impossible! He'd get beat down if that were to happen!

Sasuke: As crazy as this show is, it will happen.

Itachi: Just remember this is the real place, not a set to act on.

Sasuke puffs out air like he was smoking.

Sasuke: I know, okay?

Suddenly, the two brothers hear foot steps running down the hall.

Sasuke: Who could that be?!

Itachi: I heard that every time you hear his foot steps, you can hear them running.

Itachi and Sasuke stare wide-opened eyed at the door way. They gasped at who arrived.

Itachi: PEIN??!!!

Pein: Yes, its me. I heard that you were having trouble with fighting your brother, Itachi?

Itachi: Get real! He couldn't beat me ten ways to Sunday!

Sasuke: I don't get it??

Pein and Itachi slap their faces.

Itachi: Of course. You couldn't get it ten ways to Sunday.

Sasuke: HEY!!! I didn't join a gangsta filled organization with red clouds on their clothes to listen to 50 cent or Lil' Wayne!!!

Itachi: Of course. You couldn't in the first place.

Pein: I didn't know you two hated each other this much.

Sasuke and Itachi face Pein.

Sasuke and Itachi: OF COURSE!!!!!!

Pein: Hey! I do the all the yelling around here! So you two need to stop before I go mad wack on yo' tails!

Itachi and Sasuke just stare at Pein.

Pein: Oh yeah, I just got done watching Diary of a mad black women the uncut fire country version.

Itachi: So what? I already know about the loose black man and all.

Pein: I thought you were to blind to notice that!

Pein laughs crazily while Itachi squints at him.

Sasuke: So this is what the leader is?

Itachi: Yeah, I know it sucks, but its the only group out there to keep me covered.

Sasuke: Yeah, I know.

A small silence comes while Pein keeps laughing. He finally stops after a few minutes.

Pein: Oh my goodness, that was good. I should write that down.

He pulls out a pad that reads "Itachi jokes."

Itachi: WHAT THE???? Whats that?!

Pein: Just my Akatsuki jokes.

Sasuke: The leader really sucks.

Pein: Hey, don't forget I'm still here!

Sasuke rolls his eyes. Pein puts the pad back into his pocket which mysteriously appeared somehow.

Pein: Itachi, aren't you supposed to be killing your brother now?

Itachi: Um, something came up.

Pein directs his attention at Sasuke.

Pein: Your brother's true side is like this?

Sasuke: Not really. He's just going threw some changes. Just look at him.

Pein looks back at Itachi who was holding a picture of his mom secretly.

Itachi: Oh, mother...

Pein: Were watching Itachi.

Itachi whips away his tears and sniffs the snot back in his head.

Itachi: What? I wasn't doing anything...

Sasuke: _Right!_

Itachi: Oh, shut up, Sasuke! I've been in this world longer than you!

Sasuke: What does this have to do with anything with the world!!!

Itachi: Well. In the future episodes we will be going all over the world and stuff.

Pein: You guys always fight.

Sasuke: And it sucks.

Itachi: What the bond of brothers can do.

Pein: You mean Uchiha brothers.

Suddenly, the three stupid people here running footsteps down the hall. They knew it could be only one person.

Itachi: YOU!!!!

Sasuke: OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Pein: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?

Black man: Ya'll are my lawyers.

Itachi: What the-? What lawyers!

Sasuke: There's no way in the world we're gonna be your lawyers!

Itachi: Yeah! Maybe Sasuke, but not me!

Black man: Ya'll know where to find me.

And like that, the man from Diary of a mad black women walks off.

Pein: Great. Now we have to do the legacy of the movie.

Sasuke: Huh?

Itachi: For the first time, I agree with Sasuke. Huh?

Pein: That man will keep bothering us if we don't do the movie play.

Itachi: How do you know this stuff?

Pein: Duh! The dvd cheats.

Itachi: What dvd cheats???

Pein: Theres not time for that, we have to go buy McDonalds to make him satisfied when we meet him.

Sasuke and Itachi dig in their pockets.

Sasuke: I have one dollar and eighty-two cents.

Itachi: I'm dead broke.

Pein slaps his face.

Pein: Itachi, what happened to your savings?

Itachi: I spent it on the Lil' Wayne album.

Pein: THAT MONEY WAS FOR YOUR COLLEGE FUND!!!!

Itachi: Dude, I'm not going to college.

Sasuke: Yeah, he's slow.

Pein slaps his face harder.

Pein: Anyway, we'll just go meet him and get yelled at like an angry women.

Itachi: Let's do it.

The three of them leave with Itachi putting a kick me sign on Sasuke's back. They arrive at the ally.

Pein: Hello? Is anybody here?

There was a long silence.

Pein: I SAID IS THERE ANYBODY HERE!!!!!!!

Slow footsteps can be heard. The black man arrives.

Black man: I've been waiting for ya'll sorry butts for eternity.

Sasuke: But its only been thirt-

Black man: SHUT UP!

Sasuke closes his mouth tight.

Black man: This fool can't be messin' ya'll up like this! NEVER!

Pein and Itachi just stare crazily at him.

Black man: I'm gonna give ya'll this brief case to plead my case at court today. Any questions?

Pein raises hos hand.

Black man: Shoot, fool.

Pein: Yeah, how do we know what to do when we get there.

Black man: You'll know what to do when you get there. Trust me.

Sasuke: How can we trust you?

The black man walks over looking like he was going to kill him. But he just slaps him. _SMACK!_

Sasuke: Ouch!

Black man: I don't ever wanna hear that from yo' mouth again! Got me?!?!

Sasuke nods his head like a scared cat.

Black man: Now, the case starts in five minutes. Do what you wanna do in those five minutes, but get to the court pronto when the time comes... ya'll dig?

The three idiots shake their heads. Before leaving, the black man looks at Sasuke with an angry eye. Sasuke gulps.

Itachi: See Pein? Looks at the trouble you got us into!

Pein: Well, at least he didn't ask for McDonalds!

Just then, he walks back into seen.

Black man: Yeah, I want my food. Where is it?

The three idiots shake their heads.

Black man: Ya'll lucky I didn't want none today, because I wanted Wendy's.

With that, he leaves.

Itachi: That was close!

Sasuke: He slapped me!

Pein: Yeah! I'm the only one who's supposed to be doing the slapping around here!

Pein grabs Sasuke by the shirt and rips off a paper sign.

Pein: Kick me? Who put this on Sasuke's back?

Itachi laughs inside his head, but tries to hold it in.

Pein: Anyway, the case starts in thirty seconds, so we best be on our way.

The three idiots head for the court room. When they got there, there was a silence. The black man sits in a relaxing position in his chair. The three idiots stand.

Judge: Black man, we find you guilty as charged.

The black man puts his head in his hands. The police comes by and puts him in his cuffs.

Black man: Nice lookin' out.

The black man walks away, while the three idiots just stand there looking at him being taken to jail.

Pein: Well that was unexpected.

Suddenly, the black man pushes the police away. He takes out his gun and shoots the three idiots. Thankfully, Itachi was in front.

Itachi: Sharingan!

Like superman, Itachi stops the bullet with his eye.

Sasuke: Cool!

Itachi: Wait, let me do the matrix thing!

He reverses the bullet with his eye, and does the scene all over again.

Itachi: Sharingan!

This time, he stopped it with his hand.

Pein: if you keep doing that, Itachi, then we'll be invincible!

The bullet drops to the ground. The black man was caught. He was put in a jail cell all alone, while the three idiots just stand in front of the jail cell.

Sasuke: Itachi, you put this sign on me?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!

Pein takes out Yahiko's body and slaps Sasuke.

Pein: Looks like I'm back in business.

Itachi: Remember Sasuke. I hate you.

Sasuke: Who cares? You know your not supposed to do that to me!!!

Pein slaps Sasuke again.

Sasuke: Why do you keep slapping me?!

Pein: You don't yell at your older brother, punk.

Sasuke: Don't you see he hates me!!!

Pein: Which is exactly why I'm beating you now.

Itachi: No matter what the Akatsuki might say, I'm still going to get your eyes. Just not now...

Sasuke glares at Itachi.

Sasuke: You still be there for me, won't you?

Itachi: LIKE HECK NO!!! I want your eyes! I mean, get real, Sasuke!

Pein: Itachi, I know you still will. Don't hide it.

Itachi: Now why is everybody saying I'll still be there for my brother now??? I wanna know!

Pein: Never mind.

Itachi: I thought so!

Pein: Oh yeah, Zetsu is at Six Flags. He wanted us to come there.

Sasuke: Its too late for that now.

Pein: Be quiet, Sasuke! You don't even know Zetsu!

Itachi: He's got a point. You don't know anything.

Sasuke and Itachi get into an argument about who likes Canada cheese, or about math problems. Pein gets so sick of it, he takes out a paper bomb. KA-BANG!!! The three idiots get blown to Six Flags.

Sasuke and Itachi: Ow!

Pein: It was for the best, so don't ask any questions.

Sasuke: May I get a corn dog?

Pein slaps Sasuke with so much power, it makes a huge dent in the ground.

Pein: Sasuke, you just want to get beat down, do you?

Itachi: Hey, Zetsu is on Mr.Freeze! Can I go get him?

Suddenly, Mr.Freeze goes so fast, it glides off the rails. The whole ride falls to the ground, which causes a huge explosion.

The three idiots (with Zetsu): Team Akatsuki is blasting off again!!!

Then, a weird voice comes up.

Baska: Hello, my name is Baska. I-I heard about you guys somewhere.

Pein: What the? Who are you?

Baska: I just said Baska. I-I wanted to join your group.

Pein: If you want to join, state your reason.

Baska: Oh, I just love cooking. So maybe, I-I could be your chef?

Pein: Hmm. We'll see.

The Akatsuki members fly threw the air back to the base. CRASH! They hit the floor hard. Tobi and Sasori waited impatiently.

Sasori: Where the heck were you guys?! And who's the fat kid.

Baska: hey! D-don't talk about my culture! Don't talk about my culture!

Sasori: Yeah, you said that two times and I get things one time.

Pein: Sasori, where's the Kroger milk?

Sasori: Whoops...

Zetsu and Tobi didn't like the sight of Baska.

** 000OOO000**

**AU: **So, how was the first episode? Funny? Retarded? Stupid?

Anyway, just leave comments.

**000OOO000**

**Next time: Will Baska join the Akatsuki?**

**Will Sasuke and Itachi get done with the fight?**

**Will Zetsu and Tobi ever accept Baska? Just wait for the next eposde, duh!**


	2. promotion 1

promotion 1

**000OOO000**

Zetsu and Tobi are alone in the Akatsuki meeting room.

Zetsu: Okay, Tobi, we need to discuss the matter of Baska.

Tobi: Okay.

Zetsu: He's fat, weird, talks about his culture too much, and has a liking for food.

Tobi: Zestu, he said he wants to be our cook.

Zetsu: And that's all. If he doesn't have any food jutsu like wendy's or something, then he's out!

Tobi: But thats up to Pein for that decision.

Zetsu: I thought it was up to you?

Tobi: It was? Pein told me and told you it was the real leader's decision.

Zetsu: But who is the real leader?

Tobi: Its confusing what Pein told me. I'm just realizing this problem right now.

Zetsu: I thought you were smarter than that?

Tobi: Well, I am playful.

Zetsu: Yes, yes. I should have noticed that.

Tobi: HEY!

Zetsu: It isn't my fault you are!

Tobi: Now, back to the subject.

Zetsu: Is that Lupe Fiasco's Superstar I hear?

Tobi: Oh, its just my Helio ring tone.

Zetsu: Since when did you get a Helio?

Tobi: Well, I heard Itachi has a Samsung phone, so I got one.

Zetsu: It stinks that only Pein can have an iPhone. I really wanted one!

Tobi: Actually, thats my iPhone.

Zetsu: You have two phones?

Tobi: Yeah! You get all these incoming calls from fans and stuff. Its annoying.

Zetsu: How do people know your phone number?

Tobi: Myspace.

Zetsu sits dumb founded.

Tobi: I know it sucks for YOU!

end


	3. Episode 2

episode 2

* * *

Zetsu and Tobi looked at Baska.

Zetsu: I know you aren't going to let a minor like him get into the Akatsuki?

Tobi: Zetsu! Just you wait. Baska will be treated like I want him to!

Zestu: Yeah, as I thought.

In the other room, Itachi and Sasuke were trying to finish their battle.

Pein: Just don't get any blood on the newly painted walls you guys.

Sasuke and Itachi: WE KNOW ALL READY!!

Pein: Gosh. You guys want to fight each other so much, I thought you would forget.

Itachi: I never forget.

Sasuke: Then how did you forget to punch me?

Itachi was dangling from Sasuke's hand.

Itachi: Oh darn!

Pein: I told you someday Sasuke will pawn you like Ali did to Frazier, Itachi

Itachi: Yeah, whatever!

Sasori and Deidara were spending time in the lobby of the base, as usual.

Sasori: Look at my puppets, Deidara. They're much better than that excuse for art!

Deidara: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Sasori: Yeah, your art looks like Elmo's chocolate after smoking Kools cigarettes!

Deidara gasped and didn't say a word back untill a moment later.

Deidara: You- you take that back!

Sasori: What, you haven't been listening to the daily hip hop music Pein has been giving us?

Deidara: What?

Sasori: He's been pssing it under our door ways every day. Haven't you paid attention.

Deidara: No, I haven't.

Sasori: Well, the music has been giving me checking gifts! Now I can talk about anyone!

Tobi: Sasori, keep your girly, low voice down, okay?

Deidara: Ha, look at Sasori!

Tobi: You too, Deidara!

Tobi was holding a meeting with Pein and Zetsu.

Zetsu: So, will Baska be made and Akatsuki member?

Pein: Yeah.

Zetsu stared with his mouth open.

Tobi: Aww, shut your mouth, Zetsu! Your breath smells like dead people! Have you been eating corpses?

Zetsu: Anyway, Pein says yes.

Tobi: Oh, I agree.

Zetsu: WHAT!!

Tobi: Its always good to have new members in the group.

Pein: Tobi's got a point.

Zetsu: Okay, if I don't see any special jutsu out of him in the next three days, he's out of here and back to McDonalds!

Tobi: Agreed.

Pein: Agreed.

Zetsu: Now if you don't mind, I'm listening to Chris Brown.

Pein: NO! I've banned Chris Brown from the base!

Zetsu: For what?

Pein: Well, Konan has been taking a huge liking into him, and that has to stop.

Zetsu: What is there to listen to now?

Pein: BEYONCE!

Tobi: WHAT THE-!?

Zetsu: Oh no...

Pein started singing Beyonce's lyrics like a girl.

Pein: Baby girl your on my mind... uh... something... something...

Zetsu: See! You don't even know the lyrics and you want Beyonce music.

Pein: So? I got Chris Brown and didn't know his lyrics.

Zetsu sighed. Sasuke left the room Itachi was in and went to do some stuff.

Sasuke: Time to sneak a peak at the Akatsuki base!

He headed for an elevator, but Itachi stopped him.

Itachi: Sasuke!

Sasuke: What?! I'm going on a tour of the base!

Itachi: Do what you please, but note, don't go in my room...

With that Itachi moved back into the darkness.

Sasuke: Hmph. He's like Batman.

Suddenly, Batman pops up from no where.

Batman: You rang?

Sasuke: What? Your not allowed in this show!

Batman: Is it because I'm not anime? That won't stop me.

Sasuke: What ever, goof ball.

Batman gave him an evil glare and backed into the shadows.

Sasuke: Anyway, Itachi said not to go in his room, that means I will!

He got inside the elevator and went to the first floor. While he was on the elevator, he heard the the Flo Rida and Timbaland song.

Elevator music: Stuck on my ele-elevator!

Sasuke: Oh heck no! This is getting ridiculous!

The elevator finally stopped. On the floor he saw Zestu's, Itachi's, Deidara's and Hidan's room.

Sasuke: Goodie

He trundled over to Itachi's door. He turned the nob, and the door went open.

Sasuke: WHAT?!

His room was blank. Nothing was there, except a cd on his mat.

Sasuke: Man, at least he should have a bed!

He walked over to Itachi's mat and picked up the cd.

Sasuke: Itachi's mix? Weird name for a cd.

He found a radio, and popped the cd into it. A 90's pimp music started coming out like something Al Green would make.

Sasuke: OH SNAP!!

He quickly crushed the radio with a Mario mallet. Itachi appeared from no where.

Itachi: Dude, what are you doing in my room?

Sasuke: No, its noth-

Itachi: Dude, get out of my room.

Sasuke: Okay.

Itachi: Why are we arguing like little spoiled brats.

Sasuke: We are spoiled brats.

Itachi: Dude, like, I don't even know you anymore.

Sasuke: Okay, dude. You don't have to get mean.

Pein: OKAY, DUDES!! WE KNOW YOUR DUDES!! SO STOP SAYING DUDE, DUDE!!

Itachi and Sasuke jump.

Itachi & Sasuke: ARGHHH!! Where'd you come from?!

Pein: I have wicked power, man.

Sasuke whispers something to Itachi.

Sasuke: Looks like he's going loony.

Pein: I herd that! Note that I'm standing right in front of you!

Suddenly, Zetsu comes up from the ground with a dead human in his mouth, munching away.

Itachi: Yuck! Is that Justin Timberlake in your mouth?!

Zetsu: Duh. Anyway, I just came here to tell Sasuke don't go in the bathroom.

Itachi: Oh yeah, that reminds me. I have to go to the bathroom. A very hot, mysterious, S-ranked criminal, missing-nin has to take a dump too, ya know!

Pein and Zetsu stare at Itachi, while Sasuke calls naruto on his T-mobile.

Sasuke: Dude, your scheduled at the end of the season.

Naruto: Yeah, what episode?

Sasuke: episode 25.

Pein: Sasuke, who are you calling?

Sasuke quickly hangs up his T-mobile.

Sasuke: Uh, nothing! Just my mom.

Itachi: LIER! She's dead!

Zetsu: Yeah. It looks like you tring to start some serious mess.

Pein: Zetsu, no. Don't go for the Flavor of love thing.

Zetsu: Well what can I say? I love that girl with no nickname who also appeared on charm school.

Pein: Back to the subject people!

As soon Zetsu and Pein turn around, Sasuke and Itachi were gone.

Pein: Oh, look Zetsu! You let the both of them get away!

Zetsu: Like Sasuke can start some mess! Ninja please...

Pein shakes his head feeling sorry for the plant dude.

Pein: How did you become a plant?

Zetsu: I'd rather leave that untold...

In the bathroom, Itachi was taking a huge dump while Sasuke kept collecting cheap, breakable toilet paper.

Sasuke: Ugh, I'll never understand these Kroger toilet paper.

Itachi: Don't you mean from Sam's club?

Sasuke: Oh yeah!

Itachi: Besides, Sam's cola is better than this!

Sasuke: Cola pawns toilet paper any day.

Itachi: Any SECOND.

Suddenly, an unforgetable voice comes from the other stall left from Itachi's.

Sasuke: Its the old man from Family Guy!! Itachi, save yourself!!

Itachi: Argh, I can't! This turd is hard to push out!

Sasuke: Your on your own, buddy.

Itachi: WAIT!! Your a ninja, so use a jutsu or something to kill him.

Old man: Oh, I just love little boys. Especially the on's with the wide open but holes.

Itachi: OH MY GOD, HE'S INSANE!!

Sasuke: This is why I told Masashi not to put me in Family Guy!

(No offense to Masashi)

Old man: Yep, I sure do love me some chips. In don't like hot cheetos, because they make me faint. So I brought cheese nips.

Sasuke: I don't want to know what happens next...

Itachi: You got a huge sword, Sasuke, so kill him!

Old man: You want some cheese nips, Sasuke?

Sasuke: No, I don't! And how do you know my name?!

Old man: I've been watchin' you Akatsuki...

Itachi: save me... someone PLEASE!

Old man: I've been watchin' Deidara with his shirt off. Yep, He's a good one. Zetsu eating people. He sure cou-

Sasuke: ENOUGH!! Its time to end your gayness!

Sasuke snatches his sword out, cutting himself by accident.

Sasuke: OUCH!! MY ARM!!

Itachi: Sasuke, you idiot! I'm stuck here on the toilet with a huge turd in my but, and you want to make the situation even worse?!

Sasuke: But it stings!

Itachi: I don't give an Elmo's ass for that small cut!

Sasuke: Okay, I'll be strong! Unpairable, and all that is pre-made and cottony!

Itachi: You've been reading captain underpants again?

Sasuke: Yep.

Old man: I hardly had a say in this conversation. I just wanna say that I know why all the girls are goin' after you, Itachi. I wish I was a girl...

Itachi: SOMEBODY, GET THIS GAYNESS AWAY FROM ME!!

Then, a flushing sound is heard.

Itachi: The old man is done?!

Sasuke: No. I just flushed my sword down the toilet.

There was a long silence. Itachi spoke.

Itachi: Why the world did you flush your sword down the toilet? Do you know how much the plumbing system cost?!

Sasuke: Chill, I jus-

Itachi: ANSWER MY QUESTION!!

Sasuke: Uhh, 2.99?

Itachi makes a shadow clone and smacks Sasuke.

Sasuke: Itachi, chill. I have Kisame's sword.

Itachi: Then why did Kisame go to Captain Dee's without the Samehada?

Sasuke: Beats me.

Old man: Please, fine fellers, let me talk.

Itachi: KILL HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE, SASUKE!!

Sasuke takes out the Samehada, but only hits the old man with his hand.

Itachi: I feel sorry for you, Sasuke.

Sasuke: His gayness is so strong it penetrates my braveness! You can't blame me.

Itachi: I have the m. sharingan-

Sasuke: Yeah, YOU DO! But I don't.

Itachi: You know how to achieve it.

Sasuke: I wont leave that easily...

Old man: Mmm, cheese nips. Its like nipping on a young boys nipple.

Itachi and Sasuke scream.

Itachi: PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU SASUKE, KILL HIM!!

Sasuke: YOU KILL HIM IF YOUR SO WORKED UP ABOUT IT!!

Itachi: You excuse for an Uchiha!

Old man: Can I nip on one of y'alls nipples?

With the fear of getting raped, Itachi farts out the remaining bits of his chocolate.

Itachi: I'm out!

Sasuke: Right behind you!

The two idiots return to the lobby. Pein eyed them.

Zetsu: I told you not to go in the bathroom.

Sasuke: Well why didn't you kill him?!

Zetsu: He was to gay.

Sasuke: Thats what I told Itachi the whole time!

Pein: Now, that every Akatsuki member is here, except Kisame, we'll start. Kisame will have to be late.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Kisame appeared with knives in his back, fish all over him. He was also soaking wet.

Kisame: It... was... hell...

Sasuke: Sucks for you then.

He whistled afterwards.

Kisame: Somebody stole my sword!!

Nobody said a word. Sasuke kept whistling.

* * *

**AU: Well, that was a stupid, retarded way to end the episode. Also, the gay dude will be in the series untill I can think of a way to dispose of him. Leave comments...**

_Next time:_

Will Kisame get his sword back?

Will he find out that Sasuke stole it?

Is Baska going to show what he can do?

Wait 'till next episode, duh!


	4. promotion 2

promo 2

Sasuke and Itachi are in a white background of nothingness.

Itachi: Hello kids. Welcome to another promo for the third episode.

Sasuke: Yeah, so don't get your hopes up.

Itachi: About what?

Sasuke: Well, the creator of this fan fiction announced he wont be updating so often.

Itachi: We all know that, so lets get back to the promo.

Sasuke: Man, I'm just now noticing its so white in this room. With no doors. How did we get here?

Itachi: Its a promo. I'm sure it'll be over in a few minutes.

Sasuke: Its so white in her I can't stand it! ARGHHH!!

Sasuke starts running in a direction, only to come back the opposite direction.

Itachi: Its like that spongebob episode with Squidward in that white room, Sasuke. Stop wasting your breath.

Sasuke: I GOTTA GET OUT!!

Itachi: What an idiot...

Sasuke: I heard that!

Itachi: So kids, remember to check the creator's site for news and stuff. Don't remember that Sasuke is an idiot, in which it will ruin your brains which I will take over one day.

Sasuke stops.

Sasuke: Look, I had enough of your negativeness! Stop trying to kill your brother!

Itachi: What an awful comment to the kiddies. Kill is not the word to say.

Sasuke: ITS JUST A FRIGGIN' FAN FIC!!

Itachi: suit yourself, but don't come crying to me when you get sued by the kids' parents.

Sasuke: This just shows how much you hate me, right?

Itachi: You should've gotten that from the time I killed the Uchiha's.

Sasuke: The things that came after that time made me get dumb, of course.

Itachi: What're you talking about?

Sasuke looks at his watch.

Sasuke: Oh, look at the time! That's all we have, seeya!

Itachi tries to call the camera back to him, but it fades into the darkness.

end


	5. promotion 3

promotion 3

* * *

Deidara sits in a chair in front of a computer looking up porn. Sasori comes in.

Sasori: You still do that stuff?

Deidara: It helps my manliness. Just look at my face.

Sasori squints at Deidara's face which seems to be covered with zits on a side.

Sasori: All I see is a mustache going down from the bottom of your nose. And get some friggin' proactive, sheesh!

Deidara: See! Its working!

Sasori: Just note, fool, that Konan is the one your after.

Deidara: Already did.

Deidara shows a notepad with all the notes he's token since joining the Akatsuki.

Sasori: Dude, I didn't mean it literally.

Deidara: Just my way of getting closer to Konan.

Sasori: Actually, she thinks your gay.

Deidara: And how is that?!

Sasori: You make art for pete's sake! You have a bucket full of eye liner-

Deidara: ENOUGH!! You don't want our viewers knowing about all of the "unwanted things" do you?

Sasori: Look, they already know were both homo's, so stop trying to prove a point.

Deidara: I have all the points in the world, idiot!

Sasori whispers something while Deidara yells.

Sasori: Go smoke yo' clay, fool.


	6. episode 3

Episode 3

* * *

Pein: So we're having a meeting about our business. No distractions allowed.

Itachi: Pein, we just got back to the base and we're already having a meeting. Can't you just let us chill for a second.

Pein paused for a second.

Pein: There. You chilled for a second. Now back to the meeting.

Kisame: I don't care about chilling one bit! I want my friggin' sword back!

Everyone looked around except Sasuke.

Sasuke: Gosh, Kisame, your sword is long gone now. I don't expect it to turn up anytime soon.

Kisame: Yeah, well while they're looking around, could you get these fish and knives off my back?

Sasuke: What the heck is fish doing on your back?!

Kisame: That beats me.

Sasuke tried yanking the knives out, which always hit Deidara after they flipped out of Kisame's back.

Deidara: Hey, STOP THAT! With those knives hitting me it feels like Orochimaru is here slapping my butt again. Yep, he was a gay one...

Sasuke: Please, I don't want to be reminded.

Kisame: Reminded about what?

Sasuke: Oro was being gay while training me.

Kisame: I can see why.

Sasuke stops taking the knives and fish off of Kisame's back and looks at him.

Sasuke: If my looks are to good for you then-

Kisame: STOP! No more gay stuff! NO MORE!

Pein and the other Akatsuki walk back into scene.

Kisame: Did you find my sword?

Pein: No, but I have decided we're not going to have our meeting here.

Kisame: Why not?

Zetsu: Well, that gay old man is up there in the restroom and we can't have him come down here while we are having our meeting.

Pein: So we're having our meeting at CHOW TIME!!

The Akatsuki went into their rooms and changed into black suits and hats. Itachi was different. He was in a purple pimp suit. As the group came back into the lobby, Konan eyed Itachi.

Pein: Konan, what are you looking at?

Sasuke: Brother, you take that suit off NOW!

Itachi: What? Is it because you can't afford a nice quality suit like this?

Sasuke growled.

Deidara: How come Itachi gets to where a nice suit like that? And where's Baska?

No answer.

Deidara: Nobody ever listens to me...

Sasori: Well, since I am your partner, I listen.

Deidara: I'm not gay.

Sasori: I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE!

Pein: If we all are ready, le-

Pein was cut off by a flushing upstairs.

Pein: LET'S GET THE HELL UP OUT OF HERE!

Everyone pushed and punched their way out of the base.(The punching was done by Itachi hitting Sasuke)

Everyone was at Chow time.

Waiter: How many?

Pein: Eleven.

Waiter: This way, sir.

The group was led in a room at a table with Eleven chairs. The group sat down.

Waiter: What drinks would you like?

Pein: Sprite.

Itachi: Coke.

Kisame: Water.

Deidara: Apple juice.

Sasori: Dr. Pepper

Hidan: Fine wine.

Kakuzu: None for me...

Zetsu: Water

Tobi: Pink Lemonade for me!!

Sasuke: Tomato juice

Konan: Lemonade.

The waiter went away.

Pein: Okay, time for the meeting. Any questions before we start?

Tobi raised his hand.

Pein: Go Tobi.

Tobi: Why did we dress up differently?

Pein: SO WE WOULDN'T GET RECOGNIZED, IDIOT!!

Tobi shook in his chair.

Zetsu: Tobi's a good boy, remember that.

After that foolish moment, it was time to get food.

Pein: Okay, time to get some food.

Everyone got up. Some Akatsuki members almost tripped since they were in the corner of the room. They finally managed to get to the food court.

Tobi: Deidara, what are you gonna get?

Deidara: I'm thinking about salad... hm... Or maybe spaghetti... hm...

Tobi: I'll be near the soul food section.

Zetsu was over getting some salad.

Kisame: Zetsu, help!

Zetsu: What is it?

Kisame: I can't eat my fish friends! They are almost everywhere!

Zetsu: Then eat some friggin' chicken.

Kisame: Oh, yeah.

Kisame ran off. It took an hour or two for the Akatsuki to get their food and head back to the table.

Pein: Now, let's begin.

Pein was about to speak his first words when he saw Sasuke eating some rolls.

Pein: Sasuke.

Sasuke: Eh?

Pein: Gimme your rolls.

Sasuke: No!

Pein: I'm the one paying for all this! You better give me the rolls!

Sasuke: Nope.

Pein growled at Sasuke who just kept eating rolls. In an instant, Sasuke was took to the bathroom with Pein who were beating the daylights out of him.

Kisame: Itachi, you better do something about your brother.

Itachi: He'll live.

Tobi was slurping on his noodles.

Zetsu: Tobi, watch where you slurp your noodles.

Tobi: Sorry! I'm a little hungry.

Kakuzu just store at his plate.

Hidan: What's wrong?

Kakuzu: I... need to... restock...on...hearts...

Hidan: So you can't eat because of that pitiful thing?

Kakuzu: Hey, I have to live here!

Suddenly, a big bang was heard from the bathroom.

Kisame: Sasuke may be dead.

Itachi: He'll live.

Kakuzu: I... need... hearts... bad...

Kakuzu looked over to another table. At that table was a happy family eating away.

Hidan: What are you thinking.

Kakuzu: HEARTS!

Instantly, Kakuzu's hands flew over to a man that was eating. He screamed as his heart was being taken away.

Man: ARGH! PLEASE STOP!

His heart was snatched out. The other family members ran, but Kakuzu took their hearts too. The room was bloody. It stunk of dead people. Kakuzu closed the door of the room.

Itachi: Why did you do such a thing. Now I can't eat.

Kakuzu: At least I can!

Kakuzu munched down. He didn't care that his food was covered in blood.

Kisame: It sounds like the beating stopped. Should we go see what happened to Sasuke?

Itachi: Yep.

Once again, the Akatsuki got up. Hidan tripped on his huge scythe.

Hidan: Oh snap, that hurts!

Kakuzu: You sound like a friggin' woman having sex. Stop saying your hurt like that.

Hidan: No, I sound like Britney Spears on her sex tape! Haha!

Kakuzu: You actually watch that crap?

Hidan: No, not really.

The Akatsuki made it to the bathroom. They understood the reason why it was empty in this area.

Itachi: Pein? What happened?

Pein spoke from behind the locked bathroom door.

Pein: Go away.

Itachi: C'mon, Pein, you can talk about anything to me.

Pein: No I can't.

Itachi: Pein just let me in!

Pein: If I let you in, you wouldn't like the sight.

Itachi: I don't like any sight. So you best let me in.

Pein: No.

Itachi: Okay! You forced me to use this! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!

The locked door was now obliterated by the black fire. Pein was right. Itachi didn't like the sight. Nor the smell. Amazingly, the room was completely red. COMPLETELY. It was painted red by blood. Pein was in a corner in the room. Sasuke was in a stall, passed out.

Itachi: What happened here?

Pein: I KILLED SASUKE!

There was no answer.

Kisame: I told you we should have went earlier.

Suddenly, Sasuke got up.

Sasuke: Idiots! I'm not dead!

Itachi: You should have died...

Sasuke: I've had enough of you! TIME TO DIE!

The was a big brawl in the blood covered bathroom. KA-BANG! Chow time blew up with the Akatsuki flying threw the sky.

Akatsuki(not Sasuke): TEAM AKATSUKI IS FLYING OFF AGAIN!

Sasuke: SHUT UP, IDIOTS!

Kisame: Hey! Sasuke has my sword!

Sasuke: So what?

The group flew back to the base. The gay old man was watching them from a look out tower.

Old man: Goodies. They're back.

The Akatsuki flew into the base by going threw the ceiling.

* * *

**Next time:What will happen when we continue? Will Kisame get his sword back? What happened to Baska? Just wait for the friggin' next episode.  
**


	7. promo 4

promo 4

* * *

Pein was watching spongebob on television. Tobi walks in.

Pein:No, I won't train with you this time. Remember what happened last time?

Tobi:No no. Tobi doesn't want to train, Tobi wants to talk.

Pein makes a weird face.

Pein:Talk about what??

Tobi:How it feels like to be... well...

Pein:DAMMIT TOBI, YOU INTERRUPT ME WHILE I WATCH ACTION MOVIES FOR THIS!?

Spongebob giggles on the t.v.

Tobi:Tobi don't see action movies on the t.v.

Pein:TOBI, GET THE HELL OUT!!

Kisame appears out of nowhere. He has his fingers in his ear.

Kisame:This is the 100th time you yelled at Tobi like that while I try to get some sleep! STOP IT!!

Pein:C'mon, your a good ninja Kisame. No need to be yelling at me like this.

Kisame:I have every right to be yelling at you!

Tobi backs away, then Zetsu appears.

Zetsu:If I can't get any sleep around here, there will be some deaths!

Zetsu keps shouting but no one listens.

Tobi:Why don't you guys stop already! Tobi has had enough!!

Tobi cries up to his room while Kisame keeps yelling.

Kisame:Do you know how it feels to be partnered with a person that only talks about killing his brother?!

Pein:I put you with him for a reason.

Zetsu:ARGH!! IMA FIRIN MA LAZER!!

A big hole is blown from Zetsu's mouth into a wall revealing a lost casino.

Kisame:And I thought the weirdness stopped when Hidan was watching Britney spears-

Pein:Stop! That will not be tolerated! And how did Zetsu get that weird red lipped face?

Pein looked over to Zetsu but he was gone.

Pein:Oh well.

end(I know that didn't make sense)


	8. Episode 4

chapter 4

The old man jumped up and down insanely as his "heros" arrived crashing through the roof.

Old man: Now who wants to play twister? I just love it when Pein does it...

Pein: SINCE WHEN DOES HE KNOW I PLAY TWISTER!?

Sasuke: He's like a second Orochimaru!

Kisame: I would kill him but Sasuke has my sword. Speaking of swords, what happened to yours?

Sasuke: I... er... lost it.

Itachi: YOU LIE! You flushed it down a toilet!

Pein: Sasuke did what? Does he know how much plumbing cost?

Sasuke: Look, I ju-

Pein: ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTION!!

Sasuke(shivering): Uh.. 2.99?

Pein takes out one of his bodies and slaps Sasuke

Sasuke: ENOUGH! I'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THIS SLAPPING!

But while Sasuke was yelling his brains out, Pein slapped him again. This time off guard.

Sasori: Alright! Let's engage in combat, Akatsuki!

Pein gasped.

Pein: Sasori, you bitch ass back stabber. Thats my line. Your not supposed to be here anyway, your supposed to be dead! Just get the hell outta here!

Sasori's heart dropped. Well, his _HUMAN _remains were hurt mentally. He almost cried but couldn't. Slowly and madly, he put on his hood and dashed out the front door of the base.

Deidara: We had a front door?

Itachi: Duh! Its one of the new changes Pein made to the base.

Kisame: I just wanted to let everyone know that I called the remaining four swordsman to the base on my side-kick cell phone.

Pein: Okay, why the hell would you do that? Ya know, forget I even asked that. I'm off to my room to take a break. SEEYA SUCKAS!

Pein walks off to his luxery room on the 30th floor, which was the last.

Sasuke: He's that stupid to take the stairs.

Pein suddenly pops up behind Sasuke and slaps him ALL the way threw the roof and on the 4th floor. Sasuke then falls back down to the lobby.

Sasuke: DAMN IT! THAT HURT! YOUR SLAPPING ME LIKE I'M YOUR BITCH OR SOMETHING!

Pein: Your everyones bitch, bitch.

Pein disappears again.

Itachi: Kisame, whats the real reason you called the remaining swordsman?

Kisame: To get my damn sword back from Sasuke! I'm surprised he hasn't got stung by the razor sharp shark skin on my sword yet!

Sasuke: You'd go that far just to have your sword yours?

Kisame: Hey! Zabuza gave it to me before your idiot team killed him.

Sasuke: Yeah, my _OLD _team is an idiot, but I surely ain't!

Itachi: Sasuke, you lake hatred and such stuff I can't even describe it.

Sasuke: Itachi, please keep your mouth closed while your killer is talking.

Itachi: KILLER!? THATS A GOOD ONE!

Itachi laughs out loud and rolls on the ground. Ye gets back up two minutes afterwards.

Itachi: Ah Sasuke. You've turned into quite the idiot over time.

Sasuke: Itachi, YOUR LOOKING DEATH IN THE FACE!

Itachi: No I'm not. Im looking at an ugly face though.

Sasuke jumps towards Itachi using the Samehada, but the shark skin acts up.

Sasuke: Ouch!

Itachi: Haha, fool!

The Samehada flips back to Kisame, who jumped for joy like Mario.

Kisame: WAHA!

Then the front doors of the base busted open. There stood the four swordsmen.

Kisame: Glad you could make it guys!

Unknown swordsman: Yeah, yeah. Where's the Pringles?

Kisame: Over at the punch bowl, big feller.

He ran over, knocking Deidara over.

Deidara: Fool, hm!

Unknown swordsman: Yeah, I could eat you too Like a McDonalds big mac!

Deidara gasped and kept his lips shut.

Kakuzu: Sounds like he waste money on food. I hate people who waste their money on something that makes them fatter and uglier.

Hidan: For once, I agree with you.

Sasuke: Where'd the gay old man go too?

The gay old man was on the thirtieth floor outside of Pein's door. Inside he could hear the daily forecast news on his 1970's television.

Forecast man: On today's weather: MORE RAIN! The Akatsuki leader loves rain!

Pein: I'm gonna kill him so I can be the forecast man.

Pein was eating a television meal too.

Old man: Goodies. I love weather forecast.

He quietly stepped inside Pein's room, but two of his bodies were dressed in black leather jackets, blue jeans, and wearing black shades like security guards blocking the way.

Body 1: Got a meeting card?

Old man: Nope, but I can make him scream, "DO IT AGAIN!"

The two bodies were disgusted. Somewhere in a city far away, Sasori was walking threw an ally. Someone came up with a gun and demanded money.

Sasori: Back away.

Man: Give me your fuckin' money!

Sasori turned around and grabbed the man by the neck. He dropped his gun and started choking on his own blood. Black clouds started forming around while Sasori murdered the man.

Sasori: I got those powers from my distant relative, Chuckie.

Sasori walked away before the police arrived.

Sasori: I'm gonna get you, Akatsuki. Just you wait.

* * *

**AU: Okay its short but im on a roll. I'll try to make the next episode longer.**

**NEXT TIME:**

**Whats going to happen at the party?**

**Whats Sasori planning?**

**And will Itachi and Sasuke end their fight? STAY TUNED!**


End file.
